I chose to reinvent and rewrite a different version of Cinderella with a bit of a kick in Cinderella's point of view...hope you enjoy!
Man, are all men a$$ holes! I mean come on….I had a great time with this Prince Charming. We danced, we laughed, and he whispered sweet nothings to me all night. I really thought that this was going somewhere. I’m really not that type of girl-- I swear, but my feelings got the best of me and yeah we hooked up (turns away shamelessly).
I don’t know what happened, by twelve o’clock things were getting really hot and we ended up at my place because I knew my sisters and step mother were going to be in town and I had the house all to myself. But what went wrong??? I kept telling him that I usually don’t do this but he said neither did he. Those kisses—I mean those kisses really did shut me up. I mean the feelings and what we wanted to do were both totally mutual but I never thought that a guy like that would do me wrong like this! He’s a Prince for God’s sake…I thought at least he knew how to treat a lady.
He was totally amazing; it was like he was in my mind! He knew what to do, what to grab and how to kiss but not jabbing his tongue down my throat. It wasn’t like a wham bam thank you ma’am. It was more like pure love making. Don’t get me wrong, just because I’m cleaning soot all day and in a house full of ladies doesn’t mean I was in heat or anything (I didn’t need to get laid but it happened)…it’s just that I was falling for him and I fell really hard.
Anyways I’m in a panic. After that amazing night of pure orgasmic heaven, I woke up and he wasn’t there. He left. He didn’t even bother to leave a letter. At least give me your number or where I can reach you….SERIOUSLY???? The last time this happened to my friend Tinker Bell her boy Peter fell for another tramp named Wendy. But that was in Never Never Land and this is a Fairytale and for once it should happen my way!
It’s been a week now. I kept calling and sending him letters…but still no answer. I don’t know what to do. I just feel so used and abused. Why hasn’t he called me? Is he thinking of me? Was I at least good? Oh fairy God Mother…what shall I do!!!
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Hahaha. This story is amazing! It made me laugh so hard :)
ReplyDeleteI think the story is pretty good as is, but there are a couple things that could possibly be changed:
Paragraph 1
*Instead of writing a$$ holes, maybe you should put the actual word or even change the word, so that you don't have to use symbols.
*We both know what you mean when you say "that kind of girl," but maybe you should clarify it for other readers.
Paragraph 2:
* You say that your stepmom is going to be in town, you should probably say out of town. That makes it sound more like she won't be home.
Paragraph 3:
*Maybe say "reading my mind" instead of "in my mind"
*"it’s just that I was falling for him and I fell really hard." - This kinda sounds repetitive. Maybe say "I was falling for him and it all happened so fast".. ?
I really like how you made it like diary entry for Cinderella and how you talked about Tinker Bell and Wendy. I also love how at the end you ask Fairy God Mother what to do. It's a really cute and entertaining story. I hope my suggestions help!
Thanks Mary! I will totally change it up with your suggestions. Do you think it was too short? I'm starting to second guess the length now.
ReplyDeleteNo, it seems long enough to me. Is it a page long on Word? I think that's how long it's supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteHmmm will definitely add some more innovative material lol
ReplyDelete